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Hi folks, you have got me started now, Billyboy, I know will remember that the coast road through Telscombe Cliffs, Peacehaven Etc., fronted what was known as Bungalow Town, a major Dormitory for London Business Commuters, who, almost without exception sported ; the bowler, pin stripe suit, smart collar and tie, briefcase and most importantly, the rolled umbrella. The mode of transport in those days, Southdown to Brighton Station and train to The City.
We all know the score, no excuse for running early, but try as you might, sometimes, you could not help but be a bit late. Well these Egotistical little people, with their overwhelming self agrandiesement, (check my spelling on that), would to a man and like a clockwork army, swing their watch bearing arm, in a military style, 'longest way up', study their watch face and shake their heads from side to side, like Mothers reproaching a naughty child, you could just imagine the accompanying tut tut. Some then would put one foot on the platform and one hand on the hand rail whilst they berated you and delayed you even further, this was their way of demonstrating their superiority over uniformed staff giving a public service and effectively defying you to move until their little opera was played out.
Well I had done the early through to Eastbourne and would have virtually a standing load, from about rottingdean to The Steine and Station.
Then it happened, the Swing Bridge at Newhaven Harbour opens.
Twenty minutes down and outside my control. Get into Peacehaven, all the troops are presenting watches and shaking their heads like poodles fresh out of the bath and I am getting more and more roused. I spot one of the troops, running, he is roughly mid way between stops, I feel pity, he probably thought he had missed us and was going to go to Saltdean and catch a town bus. I stop and open the doors, totally illegal and against company rules.
The right hand clamps on the hand rail, the left foot on the platform, the watch arm comes smartly to the salute position and the mouth starts working.
Now despite being late through no fault of mine, I am really doing my best to claw a bit back to help these cretins and having broken the law for this clown, he was now talking to me like shush, accusing me of being ten minutes early, saying he was holding me there for ten minutes, and would have my job, when he got into Brighton. Now the conductors under these type of circumstances, used to watch to see if my butt started to lift from my seat, and this time it shot up.
"Whoa whoa, sit down mate, the passengers are my responsibility, I promise I will deal with this", the conductor was a nice old boy and I did not intend upsetting him so I sat down.
"Excuse me Sir", he says "I think you dropped something in the road as you stepped toward the bus". The cretin releases the handle, steps off the platform and starts looking in the gutter. "Whilst you are looking sir, I would just explain we were not ten minutes early but twenty minutes late and had we been on time, you would not have caught us, and neither shall you now". With that he tapped my back glass with a two bob bit and I closed the door and left him there.
The bus was in absolute uproar, no not anger, fits of laughter from his comrades in arms.
That clever old conductor saved the young blood that time, but there would be others.
The complaint went in, but two other soldiers had already spoken to the inspector and it went no further.
Energumen
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