How Much

[Western SMT]

Not long after we changed to decimal money a suit from one of the upstairs offices came down and held a meeting in the bus workshops.
What is all this about says one - supposed to go through the union says another, anyway the suit starts dribbling on about the cost of things and we were using far too many new wheel nuts. Like a teacher he asks 'do you know how much a wheel nut costs', noooo says we now totally uninterested - '50 new pence' says he. Up pipes our resident workshop genius and says 50 new pence is 10 shillings and with the suit nodding in agreement goes on to say there was 120 pennies in 10 shillings so it's not our fault you can only get one wheel nut for 50 pence now.
Meeting quickly finished after that.

[G-CPTN]

We had a graduate engineer who wouldn't admit that 'time-served' fitters might actually know more about engineering than he did.
One such 'discussion' which took place with me present got heated and was brought to a head with Eddie saying "Look here, mate, I'm a BSc" then he stormed off before the fitter could reply.
Fitter turns to me and asks "What's a BSc?"
I replied "Bloody Silly Cnut" which went down well and got me bonus points in the workshops.

[Trapper John]

Fitter turns to me and asks "What's a BSc?"
I replied "Bloody Silly Cnut".

My missus caught me with a beauty. I spent 11 long years getting a degree with the Open University (got a Geoff Hurst, which was beyond my wildest dreams - I was aiming for a 2.1), and when I got it, I said to the other (I won't say 'better') half, "I've got a B.Sc."
"That's nice dear, but what bleeding use is a Bronze Swimming Certificate?"

[Energumen]

Oh dear, now I am really feeling inadequate.

I only have the third degree, day in day out. Not really, just mischief.